Columbus report

Columbus discovered America because he was an explorer. He was working for Europe to get more valuables for them. Some of the things he got were called, tobacco, leather and gold. Columbus had a mighty fleet of ships, that was included the maramack, the prince and the pinot noir. he made people come out of the woods with the valuables or he'd kill'em. One time he built a castle at the beach with the cutting down of trees for protection and valuables storage. Columbus wore certain fashions of cloths like Spanish outfits and war outfits. He was brave and smart. One time he and his men builded a robot out of twine, a whiskey barrel and some gears from an ancient machine they had on board one of their antique ships. I say antique because it was so old when they did all this.
the robot was just for fun, but they messed up when they put the gears in it, and that mistake made it learn like a person. It learned everything about exploring and ran off into the forests of America. That's how we got technology, but the lord of England wanted it back for hisself, so they fought us in a bloody war of eons called the revolutionist war. The Englands fought hard as beasts but they were also fighting against a french country at the same time and had to leave real fast to help fight that one, so we won in a forfeit that started America.

What poetry sounds like to me

The Shoushound

Brickled bricks
a tomb constructed
feathered health and crimpled brickashanter
pleeb
brownrick tunish
and haveled brandisheer
a ploob
your head a crackin'

robot asterisk
jammin gander
a pockish roob of
lamptin blather

horn the cope
of mulish broobs
a carn but lake
can stain thine boobs

blarth tilth paynins
can not the hithered probbcock splaine
arsh of gander
is across the helgish rhine.

Early Childhood

When I was a child, my Grandmother would sit by my bed in a rocking chair, smoking an old pipe. She would tell me about the importance of labor unions and sooth me to sleep with her bow and saw.

Laszlo

Laszlo was sad. he has spent the whole morning walking around in the barn, among the feathers and leather scraps from the explosion.
It wasn't so much that he was afraid of failure, as it was that he had truly wanted
to see the look on the mayor's face.

Hi Father

John Parker was a wealthy architect from Alabama. He was also on a raft and on fire and on a rug. The clouds were too circular. They looked like somebody was going to replace them, later, but forgot and then said, "screw it". The water was hot and reddish green like chemicals, and it stunk like old flowers and tar and plastic. The map wasn’t in the raft anymore. It was gone. There was no current in the water. There was no moon. It hadn’t come up today because of the celestial body show in Pittsburgh. Now, “Alan” was the architect’s name and he was a little smaller and not so impressive. Black oil from the garbage barges was welling up in various places, which magnified the toxic smell in the air. Alan laughed, because he had forgotten, or maybe never knew, that the minister was on board. “Hi father!”
They came to a place in the river that had really thick weeds in the water. The weeds were 4, 5.5 and 7.0189 inches in diameter, and that was just the first few. There were thousands of weeds and I don’t have time, or time might not have been allotted, to measure them all for this story. The weeds part is over, now. It was going to be a bigger part with more characters, but I lost interest shortly after typing the word “They” and just before the word, “came”.
Now, it’s paused. Look at the raft; it doesn’t look real. The men look real, but they are too big, and the edges are messed up. Now I’m putting quarters in the machine, and voila, the raft is moving, again.
Look out for fire breathing spiders and lazy apes and a man with tire irons for arms. He is Timothy Kitchner. He is also, “Dan Beard” and “Ross Manwich”. He’s most likely gonna be in the bushes posing as a character from when I was a kid, called, “Tommy”, who had a clown wig. He changed his base from water to oil, so now he is oil based, and now he is boil faced, and he has a blue wind-breaker and a bike helmet named, “Lest we forget”.

Invisible Map of fo paM elbisivnI

Heady was walking along road 727, a few days after the disco reopened. The only thing left to do was get these whiskey tickets to the judge before 4PM. I'm going to wear a hockey mask this year at the dance contest, because I know 3 of the judges are hockey players from Germany, Greece and Italy, named, Pal, Janice and Grover, weighing 175, 185 and 215 LBS, respectively. One of them was nice and the other 2 were nice but not anymore, so I'm also carrying pepper spray and something I call a clover kit. The clover kit and clover kit number 2 have 3 items in them: a mouse trap, a game and a sillier game that is just for show, called billy goat's dilemma. I've never played the silly one, but I've played the real one a lot.
Leather Pouch said he was coming over to get the kits ready, but he slipped on the ice and broke his skate, so he sent his younger brother, Leather's Prouch. Leather's Prounch is sometimes referred to as 'Mandrelle' or 'Mandrielle'. He has also been called, 'Man' or 'man' as a short form. I didn't really care that it was Leather Pouch's brother coming over, because I had already completed the kits and was intending on telling him that my shoestring and butter collection was the kit stuff. Today is cigar day. I've had 4 already and it's only 5AM. My suit is getting itchy so, I put it down a lot. The cigar, that is, haha, not the suit. Ape's are here. The leader is called, 'ApeApeApe' and wants to be in charge of getting smokes, so I said, OK. We should divide up the duties for efficiency's sake. ApeApeApe and I will be in charge of getting smokes, and the rest of you apes will walk around and act busy, so the visitors will say what a nice ape collection we are, but I'm not an ape. I'm a human that goes by the name, 'Nape' or 'Soft Serve' when I'm traveling. ApeApeApe brings in a box with international symbols all over it and explains that this is the kit that explains what it means to be lucky. He brakes it open with his powerful tusks and slings the contents out over the shining marble and ivory floor.
'Look', says Mandantisia. And everyone looked. It had some papers about when you get a golf score or something and some dirty pictures and a diploma from Columbia University written in ox blood and stamped with the Disney on Ice insignia. 'Oh, I get it!', explained Rice Chimp Anipazzia. It turns inside out to become an invisible map of Honolulu and a dagger for protection and a rice cooker and a third place racing go-cart that says, 'Christ has Risen!' on one side and, 'Dough has Risen' on the other. Playing a simple and beautiful song from the Arctic circle, Wilshire Medium Ape floats above the crowd, floats around the room, floats about the villa, landing on occasion to spring up, again, into the moist air, into the wind tunnel, blathering about baseball and cock fighting, thinking about battery technology from the nineteenth century and drawing complicated laser shows with his ass and his eyes.

Gorilla Pup forgot about the elevator

Hut Hut couldn't get his keys out of his pocket in time, so by the time they got to the kitchen, the flower bomb had already gone off. There were rose petals all over the snake shrine and in the garbage disposal and stuck to the windows. "You go on to the party. I'll stay here and clean up.", said Klem. "No...I'll stay and help", replied Hut Hut. Right then, a big light named, "Snowregard" entered the kitchen and swallowed up Klem and Hut Hut. Before they could react, they were on the way to saving big $$$ at a nearby hotel gift shop called, "Wish you were here!". Hut Hut was a fairly large gorilla pup. He had always been big, even when he was a pup pup and a wee wee. Now he was carrying Klem, who had fallen asleep because of all the excitement. Inside the WYWH gift shop, there were 7 rows and 7 rows running perpendicular to those rows in a type of woven pattern. Each row had an aisle and 2 sub-rows for holding instruction booklets and secret keys. The loomanik woman at the counter was really a 1200 year old witch replica called, "Boozer gets a clue". She was pretty nice, and she was also pretty nice. Hut Hut walked up and inquired about a job. She was more than happy to hand him some broken candy pieces from her fireplace. She also told him to stop standing right in front of her, because she suffered from a rare, yet curable, condition known as, "St Peter's Glove", which would cause her to strike out at anything standing right in front of her, without warning. Hut Hut took his change and changed it into a sack to hold Klem, because his arms were getting tired. Right then, a ghost came in named, "ghost comer-inner #11". He was made to feel right at home by everyone. They even made him a shitty hammock out of newspapers and twine and newspapers and guitar strings and some twine for extra-stength and some pictures of horrible railroad accidents for entertainment. This was such a great shoppe now that even the undertaker that lived in its belly was laughing his ass off.

galbo

The radar station was 5 miles west of town, and Jim was already getting dark. The space cats were beginning to gather around the portable sun for heat and story telling. I remember he was thinking about the gin and tonics in his canteen and wondering if anyone would actually be at the extraction zone. No one was, so Jim went to Auto Zone. inside , hefoundapinballmachineandsomesungalsses.