Heady was walking along road 727, a few days after the disco reopened. The only thing left to do was get these whiskey tickets to the judge before 4PM. I'm going to wear a hockey mask this year at the dance contest, because I know 3 of the judges are hockey players from Germany, Greece and Italy, named, Pal, Janice and Grover, weighing 175, 185 and 215 LBS, respectively. One of them was nice and the other 2 were nice but not anymore, so I'm also carrying pepper spray and something I call a clover kit. The clover kit and clover kit number 2 have 3 items in them: a mouse trap, a game and a sillier game that is just for show, called billy goat's dilemma. I've never played the silly one, but I've played the real one a lot.
Leather Pouch said he was coming over to get the kits ready, but he slipped on the ice and broke his skate, so he sent his younger brother, Leather's Prouch. Leather's Prounch is sometimes referred to as 'Mandrelle' or 'Mandrielle'. He has also been called, 'Man' or 'man' as a short form. I didn't really care that it was Leather Pouch's brother coming over, because I had already completed the kits and was intending on telling him that my shoestring and butter collection was the kit stuff. Today is cigar day. I've had 4 already and it's only 5AM. My suit is getting itchy so, I put it down a lot. The cigar, that is, haha, not the suit. Ape's are here. The leader is called, 'ApeApeApe' and wants to be in charge of getting smokes, so I said, OK. We should divide up the duties for efficiency's sake. ApeApeApe and I will be in charge of getting smokes, and the rest of you apes will walk around and act busy, so the visitors will say what a nice ape collection we are, but I'm not an ape. I'm a human that goes by the name, 'Nape' or 'Soft Serve' when I'm traveling. ApeApeApe brings in a box with international symbols all over it and explains that this is the kit that explains what it means to be lucky. He brakes it open with his powerful tusks and slings the contents out over the shining marble and ivory floor.
'Look', says Mandantisia. And everyone looked. It had some papers about when you get a golf score or something and some dirty pictures and a diploma from Columbia University written in ox blood and stamped with the Disney on Ice insignia. 'Oh, I get it!', explained Rice Chimp Anipazzia. It turns inside out to become an invisible map of Honolulu and a dagger for protection and a rice cooker and a third place racing go-cart that says, 'Christ has Risen!' on one side and, 'Dough has Risen' on the other. Playing a simple and beautiful song from the Arctic circle, Wilshire Medium Ape floats above the crowd, floats around the room, floats about the villa, landing on occasion to spring up, again, into the moist air, into the wind tunnel, blathering about baseball and cock fighting, thinking about battery technology from the nineteenth century and drawing complicated laser shows with his ass and his eyes.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Gorilla Pup forgot about the elevator
Hut Hut couldn't get his keys out of his pocket in time, so by the time they got to the kitchen, the flower bomb had already gone off. There were rose petals all over the snake shrine and in the garbage disposal and stuck to the windows. "You go on to the party. I'll stay here and clean up.", said Klem. "No...I'll stay and help", replied Hut Hut. Right then, a big light named, "Snowregard" entered the kitchen and swallowed up Klem and Hut Hut. Before they could react, they were on the way to saving big $$$ at a nearby hotel gift shop called, "Wish you were here!". Hut Hut was a fairly large gorilla pup. He had always been big, even when he was a pup pup and a wee wee. Now he was carrying Klem, who had fallen asleep because of all the excitement. Inside the WYWH gift shop, there were 7 rows and 7 rows running perpendicular to those rows in a type of woven pattern. Each row had an aisle and 2 sub-rows for holding instruction booklets and secret keys. The loomanik woman at the counter was really a 1200 year old witch replica called, "Boozer gets a clue". She was pretty nice, and she was also pretty nice. Hut Hut walked up and inquired about a job. She was more than happy to hand him some broken candy pieces from her fireplace. She also told him to stop standing right in front of her, because she suffered from a rare, yet curable, condition known as, "St Peter's Glove", which would cause her to strike out at anything standing right in front of her, without warning. Hut Hut took his change and changed it into a sack to hold Klem, because his arms were getting tired. Right then, a ghost came in named, "ghost comer-inner #11". He was made to feel right at home by everyone. They even made him a shitty hammock out of newspapers and twine and newspapers and guitar strings and some twine for extra-stength and some pictures of horrible railroad accidents for entertainment. This was such a great shoppe now that even the undertaker that lived in its belly was laughing his ass off.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
galbo
The radar station was 5 miles west of town, and Jim was already getting dark. The space cats were beginning to gather around the portable sun for heat and story telling. I remember he was thinking about the gin and tonics in his canteen and wondering if anyone would actually be at the extraction zone. No one was, so Jim went to Auto Zone. inside , hefoundapinballmachineandsomesungalsses.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Breaking News
Ormanda: Oh! Wow! That's the dracula balloon behind me now. Steve, you can see the people trapped inside, looking pleasantly surprised to be floating above downtown tonight.
Steve: Ormanda, is there any word on the cause of the accident?
Ormanda: Steve, there is very little word on that, right now, but we are being told by authorities that around 8:14 PM this evening the balloon began to fill up under its own power and shortly after 8:32 PM, the large vampire shaped dirigible started its lumbering stroll down 4th street.
Steve: Is there an official number on the people trapped inside?
Ormanda: Yes, Steve. The official count, right now, is 1 people. Those people are thought, at this time at least, to be all the same person, and that person is thought to be Miles Crabyard of Georgetown, Ky. He is well known for looking very similar to the grandfather in Willy Wonka.
Steve: I see.
Ormanda: Wait...Steve...I'm getting confirmation that this is not actually real. I think what is happening here is...wait...ok...thank you...Yes. Steve, I have confirmation that I am not really here. I've actually fallen asleep in a bathroom stall of a Flying J truckstop, somewhere near Denver. You are probably in real danger of being a dream, as well. Back to you, Steve.
Steve: Thank you Ormanda. Big news in the Little League this week....
Steve: Ormanda, is there any word on the cause of the accident?
Ormanda: Steve, there is very little word on that, right now, but we are being told by authorities that around 8:14 PM this evening the balloon began to fill up under its own power and shortly after 8:32 PM, the large vampire shaped dirigible started its lumbering stroll down 4th street.
Steve: Is there an official number on the people trapped inside?
Ormanda: Yes, Steve. The official count, right now, is 1 people. Those people are thought, at this time at least, to be all the same person, and that person is thought to be Miles Crabyard of Georgetown, Ky. He is well known for looking very similar to the grandfather in Willy Wonka.
Steve: I see.
Ormanda: Wait...Steve...I'm getting confirmation that this is not actually real. I think what is happening here is...wait...ok...thank you...Yes. Steve, I have confirmation that I am not really here. I've actually fallen asleep in a bathroom stall of a Flying J truckstop, somewhere near Denver. You are probably in real danger of being a dream, as well. Back to you, Steve.
Steve: Thank you Ormanda. Big news in the Little League this week....
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
gre gaboose
the ape was waiting in the car, and chrissy wanted to get some beef jerky out of the machine.
She got a twenty out of her purse and fed it into the slot. It dispensed 2 pieces of beef jerky and a piece of beef jerky supreme. the ape got out of the car and walk off into the darkness of the parking lot, called "the larking pot". his fur was black and the ground's fur was white, and the road was red. chrissy wanted to get back to the houseboat before everybody ate all the fudge she had made in her toy oven. there was only one guy there that looked like Kenny Rogers and another guy that looked like the guy that looked like Kenny Rogers. His name was Benny Dodger, and he was also an old, rich wizard name "Blaylock the magnificent". Back at the house boat, the garage door opened and the prettiest little boat idled in. The boat was about 12" long and constructed of antique hardwoods salvaged from a recently condemned lantern factory in Troy Ohio. The boat's driver weighed around 350 lbs. and his love handles dipped lightly in the water on either side of the boat. Inside the garage, he maneuvered the tiny boat through a series of spins and slides, while a polite crowd clapped politely.
"I know that boatman!", said chrissy, "That's Night Hawk from Spanish Spain! He's so happy when he's in his boat. God bless him. Look at his smile and the way he is really precise with the controls. I am him."
"Are you Night Hawk?", chrissy said to herself.
Once all the guest had arrived, they were sent to different rooms and prohibited from speaking to each other. After they arrived, they were in different rooms and called, "the guests".
chrissy needed to go smoke a cigarette on the back porch with one of the water dogs. He smoked a cigarette, too. This water dog was different than the rest, a little smaller, and he had look in his eye that meant: "look at this eye. look at this eye and this i and this 1".
She got a twenty out of her purse and fed it into the slot. It dispensed 2 pieces of beef jerky and a piece of beef jerky supreme. the ape got out of the car and walk off into the darkness of the parking lot, called "the larking pot". his fur was black and the ground's fur was white, and the road was red. chrissy wanted to get back to the houseboat before everybody ate all the fudge she had made in her toy oven. there was only one guy there that looked like Kenny Rogers and another guy that looked like the guy that looked like Kenny Rogers. His name was Benny Dodger, and he was also an old, rich wizard name "Blaylock the magnificent". Back at the house boat, the garage door opened and the prettiest little boat idled in. The boat was about 12" long and constructed of antique hardwoods salvaged from a recently condemned lantern factory in Troy Ohio. The boat's driver weighed around 350 lbs. and his love handles dipped lightly in the water on either side of the boat. Inside the garage, he maneuvered the tiny boat through a series of spins and slides, while a polite crowd clapped politely.
"I know that boatman!", said chrissy, "That's Night Hawk from Spanish Spain! He's so happy when he's in his boat. God bless him. Look at his smile and the way he is really precise with the controls. I am him."
"Are you Night Hawk?", chrissy said to herself.
Once all the guest had arrived, they were sent to different rooms and prohibited from speaking to each other. After they arrived, they were in different rooms and called, "the guests".
chrissy needed to go smoke a cigarette on the back porch with one of the water dogs. He smoked a cigarette, too. This water dog was different than the rest, a little smaller, and he had look in his eye that meant: "look at this eye. look at this eye and this i and this 1".
Monday, January 21, 2008
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